Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
