I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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