he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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