The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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