So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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