so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
