i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
