no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
