I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
