At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
