Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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