Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
