You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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