I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
