He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
