I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
