I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
