im having a threesome with these popsicles
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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