I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
