Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
