Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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