Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
