Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mom said you looked used
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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