She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
