I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MIDGETS
????
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
