If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
