my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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