Plan B is the new Plan A
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
