I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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