We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FUCK WHALES
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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