Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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