giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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