He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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