Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize