he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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