What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
