I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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