Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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