i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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