You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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