Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
