Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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