you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
