BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have aggressive nipples.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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