um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
