I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
