Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
