god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
