hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
