Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
