At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
