thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
