I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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