I think I just saw someone hide a body.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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