I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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