I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
