i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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