jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
