remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
