She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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