john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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