i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Say something about gay babies.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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