I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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